Each and every year since 2004 with the exception of 2008, it has been an extraodinary experience as far as me celebrating christmas in the general sense(parties, hang-outs, visiting etc) has been a difficult proposition.
I find myself getting seriously bogged down with work, strategizing and mobilizing for d-xtreme unit's Back2Base conference. Work? at christmas? phew!!! Before you think me crazy or trying to boast, ill let you know that its been a choice that has radically changed my world view...
Its a time where my organisation goes out to establish in the hearts of young people in Sapele Delta State, the drive for destiny; we motivate and empower them with the tools needed for personal growth and successful living.
This year though, it has been an extraodinary affair because before coming to town from Lagos, i had an extraodinary experience being a member of the cast of an unprecedented stage play 'AJAI-the slave boy' with an international cast. Then getting to Sapele, we got to clear out the Sapele public library, paint the interior from a terrible dull-looking blue to white and change some of the lightings.
Now as i write this, i am putting together strategies for our summit holding in three days...
So its clear now why my Christmas is crazy fun yet i don't do the regular.
This is my Christmas and im loving it-KFC!
About Me
- 'yoma
- lagos, lagos, Nigeria
- i'm fun-loving, charismatic, i love the company of people and making things happen through those associations, i am really 'crazy' sometimes, i try(unsuccessfully) to hold back sometimes when im having fun..and i am an incurable optimist. i believe in mind power...things happen in the intangible realm before they find tangibility. that's why i believe in-NIGERIA!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunshine Manifesto For Government-Great Ogboru
VALUE RE-ORIENTATION
With our vision of Delta First; to make Delta State the reference point of excellence on all frontiers in Nigeria, we will restore our State to its traditional values of:
- Honesty and Integrity
- Hardwork
- Mutual Respect and Respect for Elders
- Merit-Based Reward System
- Love for One Another and Each Other
We will end the prevailing alien culture of:
- Mediocrity and Favourtism
- Excessive Materialism and Celebration of Unexplainable Wealth
- Ostentatious Lifestyle and Profligacy by Public Office Holders
- Militancy and Violence
- Ethnic Discrimination
HUMAN CAPITAL AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT
Education
- Free, Qualitative Education up to Secondary School
- Modernisation of Academic Institutions and Facilities
- Full Support for Tertiary Institution Students
- Robust and Motivated Academic Workforce in all Schools
Health
- Free, Qualitative Healthcare for Children, Pregnant Women and the Aged
- Accessible Healthcare for All
- Improvement of Healthcare Facilities
- Reactivation of Community Health Inspection Scheme
- Attraction and Retention of best Human Resources for our Hospitals
Economi Growth
- Increased Capacity Utilisation of Koko, Sapele and Warri Ports
- Create Enabling Environment for Big Businesses and Industries
- Make Delta the IT Hub of Nigeria
- Increased Productivity and Rapid Employment Generation
- Harness Delta's Tourism Potential optimally
- Creation of Cottage Industries Across the State
INFRASTRUCTURAL DEVELOPMENT
- Modernisation/Regeneration of Cities and Communities
- Quality Housing and Environmental Development
- Massive, qualitative Roads Rehabilitation and Development
- Improvement in Road, Water and Air Transportation Access
LAW AND ORDER
- Zero Tolerance on Crime, Corruption
- Sincere Solutions to Militancy and its consequences
AGRICULTURAL RESOURCES DEVELOPMENT
- New Farms and Agric Settlements Development for Increased Food Production
- Modern Agro-allied Industries Development for Food Processing & Marketing
EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES DEVELOPMENT INITIAIVE (EODI)
- Address Developmental Imbalances by voting equal monthly financial allocations to LGAs for specific developmental projects
- Even and Accelerated development
Signed:
Great Ovedje Ogboru
(culled from www.ogborumandate.org)
With our vision of Delta First; to make Delta State the reference point of excellence on all frontiers in Nigeria, we will restore our State to its traditional values of:
- Honesty and Integrity
- Hardwork
- Mutual Respect and Respect for Elders
- Merit-Based Reward System
- Love for One Another and Each Other
We will end the prevailing alien culture of:
- Mediocrity and Favourtism
- Excessive Materialism and Celebration of Unexplainable Wealth
- Ostentatious Lifestyle and Profligacy by Public Office Holders
- Militancy and Violence
- Ethnic Discrimination
HUMAN CAPITAL AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT
Education
- Free, Qualitative Education up to Secondary School
- Modernisation of Academic Institutions and Facilities
- Full Support for Tertiary Institution Students
- Robust and Motivated Academic Workforce in all Schools
Health
- Free, Qualitative Healthcare for Children, Pregnant Women and the Aged
- Accessible Healthcare for All
- Improvement of Healthcare Facilities
- Reactivation of Community Health Inspection Scheme
- Attraction and Retention of best Human Resources for our Hospitals
Economi Growth
- Increased Capacity Utilisation of Koko, Sapele and Warri Ports
- Create Enabling Environment for Big Businesses and Industries
- Make Delta the IT Hub of Nigeria
- Increased Productivity and Rapid Employment Generation
- Harness Delta's Tourism Potential optimally
- Creation of Cottage Industries Across the State
INFRASTRUCTURAL DEVELOPMENT
- Modernisation/Regeneration of Cities and Communities
- Quality Housing and Environmental Development
- Massive, qualitative Roads Rehabilitation and Development
- Improvement in Road, Water and Air Transportation Access
LAW AND ORDER
- Zero Tolerance on Crime, Corruption
- Sincere Solutions to Militancy and its consequences
AGRICULTURAL RESOURCES DEVELOPMENT
- New Farms and Agric Settlements Development for Increased Food Production
- Modern Agro-allied Industries Development for Food Processing & Marketing
EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES DEVELOPMENT INITIAIVE (EODI)
- Address Developmental Imbalances by voting equal monthly financial allocations to LGAs for specific developmental projects
- Even and Accelerated development
Signed:
Great Ovedje Ogboru
(culled from www.ogborumandate.org)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Christmas in Dubai 20-26 December 2010
**Registration closes December 1ST, 2010
There is yet another exciting trip for all who want to explore the beauty of Dubai.
From half day city tour to the Burj Khalifa tour to Desert Safari and Boat Cruise, not to mention the great shopping experience, Dubai is sure a place worth spending Christmas in!
Christmas in Dubai promises to be a complete adventure as we get to explore the Burj Al Arab (the only 7 star hotel in the world) and also get on a Wonder Bus not to mention a special Christmas buffet, Christmas can't be any better.
What are you waiting for...Lets Visit Dubai! See Dubai! Remember Dubai! Together!
RATES
via ETHIOPIAN (ONE PERSON) N330,000 ( A COUPLE) N550,000
via QATAR (ONE PERSON)N380,000 ( A COUPLE)N650,000
via EMIRATES (ONE PERSON)N420,000 ( A COUPLE)N710,000
Package Inclusions
• Meet and Greet at airport.
• Return Flight ticket
• 6 nights' accommodation
• Visa
• Desert Safari + Belly dancing + BBQ dinner
• Wonder Bus tour
• Dhow Cruise + Buffet dinner
• Daily buffet breakfast
• Burj Al Arab Tour + Buffet Dinner
• Burj Khalifa Tour
• Special Christmas Buffet
• Return airport transfer
• All applicable taxes
Terms and Conditions
• Applicants are required to submit the information page of their travelling passports.
• Any application after December 1st, 2010 will not be considered.
Notes:
• Registration closes on December 1st, 2010.
• All visa requirements and payments must be paid on or before December 1st , 2010.
• Visa processing fees and hotels once booked are non-refundable.
• Although high visa success rate is enjoyed, the power lies with Dubai Immigration not us, on its issuance.
• Flight fares are subject to availability, therefore prompt action is required to lock down the fares above.
*this package is being put together by, Holidays and Cash Nigeria LTD, where I work. You will get these same offers for at least twice this price anywhere else. I suggest you enquire from any other travel agent first with all these activities lined up, before you give me a call, thanks.
08072692854 or 08052760597
There is yet another exciting trip for all who want to explore the beauty of Dubai.
From half day city tour to the Burj Khalifa tour to Desert Safari and Boat Cruise, not to mention the great shopping experience, Dubai is sure a place worth spending Christmas in!
Christmas in Dubai promises to be a complete adventure as we get to explore the Burj Al Arab (the only 7 star hotel in the world) and also get on a Wonder Bus not to mention a special Christmas buffet, Christmas can't be any better.
What are you waiting for...Lets Visit Dubai! See Dubai! Remember Dubai! Together!
RATES
via ETHIOPIAN (ONE PERSON) N330,000 ( A COUPLE) N550,000
via QATAR (ONE PERSON)N380,000 ( A COUPLE)N650,000
via EMIRATES (ONE PERSON)N420,000 ( A COUPLE)N710,000
Package Inclusions
• Meet and Greet at airport.
• Return Flight ticket
• 6 nights' accommodation
• Visa
• Desert Safari + Belly dancing + BBQ dinner
• Wonder Bus tour
• Dhow Cruise + Buffet dinner
• Daily buffet breakfast
• Burj Al Arab Tour + Buffet Dinner
• Burj Khalifa Tour
• Special Christmas Buffet
• Return airport transfer
• All applicable taxes
Terms and Conditions
• Applicants are required to submit the information page of their travelling passports.
• Any application after December 1st, 2010 will not be considered.
Notes:
• Registration closes on December 1st, 2010.
• All visa requirements and payments must be paid on or before December 1st , 2010.
• Visa processing fees and hotels once booked are non-refundable.
• Although high visa success rate is enjoyed, the power lies with Dubai Immigration not us, on its issuance.
• Flight fares are subject to availability, therefore prompt action is required to lock down the fares above.
*this package is being put together by, Holidays and Cash Nigeria LTD, where I work. You will get these same offers for at least twice this price anywhere else. I suggest you enquire from any other travel agent first with all these activities lined up, before you give me a call, thanks.
08072692854 or 08052760597
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
NAIJA..2011..(IBB,JONATHAN,AKINGBOLA..)..COULD DIS BE TRUE BY ANY MEANS???
I CAME ACROSS DIS AND THOUGHT I SHOULD PUT IT UP HERE...
Federal Road Safety Commission, Office of the Chairman
September 06, 2010
Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GCFR)
President
Commander-in-Chief
Armed Forces of Nigeria
Presidential Villa
Abuja
The State of the Nation:
I feel constrained once more as a citizen of this country to bring to the notice of Mr. President certain observations that are critical to the well being of this great country for your immediate attention.
Kindly accept my best wishes and my prayers and may the Almighty God continue to guide you aright.
Lawan Gwadabe Colonel (Rtd)...former IBB boy
Introduction
Nigeria is a key power on the African continent, not only because of its size, but also because of its political and economic role in the region. Nigeria’s economy is Africa’s second largest, and its [sic] one of the world’s major sources of oil and natural gas. Still on the positive side, Nigeria has mediated in conflicts throughout the continent and its troops have played a critical role in peace and stability operations in the region. The country ranks 4th among troop contributors to the United Nations peace keeping missions around the world.
This author who on behalf of Nigeria has been involved in the peace process that brought settlements, peace and accommodation to Mozambique, Angola and Sudan respectively testifies that Nigeria has indeed played a vital role in the stability of the continent at a great sacrifice to both its human and material resources. Nigeria therefore is a key power in the continent whose fate is so decisive for the progress of Africa. In fact there is no country across a range of issues that has the power so thoroughly to shape outcomes elsewhere in Sub-Saharan Africa. We should therefore be proud to be Nigerians despite our numerous shortcomings.
Nigeria continues to face serous social and economic challenges Even [sic] though majority of our population suffer from poverty, which can be avoidable with sustained anti-poverty development programmes. Nigeria remains relatively stable with the prospect of a greater economic development. Part of the challenges Nigeria face is that of corruption. This cancer is almost the primary reason why Nigeria’s oil and gas wealth has no translated into higher standards of living in healthcare, education and includes infrastructure, for the generality of its people.
The current administration’s commitment to continue the fight against corruption is commendable but if the EFCC’s complaint about the court delays in prosecuting cases are anything to go by then the government may need to consider the establishment of special anti-corruption courts to rightly prosecute such cases. The delay cases in court itself is a charade. And Justice delayed justice denied. The President needs to be firm on these matters and no amount of political intimidations should deter him […] Corruption stories should not take the shine out of our 50th anniversary of Independence. Mr. President should use the occasion to bring to the fore Nigeria’s contribution to Africa and the giant strides we have achieved domestically since 1960. There is no country in Africa like Nigeria and our people must be made to appreciate their place in the continent. We should be proud that one in five people in Sub-Saharan Africa calls Nigeria home. Mr. President must emphasize that success is measured by the challenges and obstacles we must overcome to get there.
The incumbent has come across the generality of Nigerians as a sincere and committed person. Therefore no stone should be left unturned in searching for collective solutions to our problems that would assist the President. The challenges Nigeria faces are no doubt enormous. The task is daunting because the scope of reforms that is required for our national transformation is enormous. The President needs a bold move to face these challenges. To rescue Nigeria from the edges of failure and onto the path of socio-economic recovery, extra-ordinary bold steps need to be taken.
General Observations
It is a truism that, the people themselves are the safe depositories of their government through the leader whom they assigned their mandate, in the case of this country, the incumbent President. But when our past rulers who are desperate to come back to office throw caution to the winds and are busy arrogating to themselves the task of taking decisions behind the scenes on what should obtain come 2011, creating factionalization in the polity to satisfy their whims, then, that government begins to get undermined and may not meet the aspirations of its people.
It is therefore my civic duty as a citizen of this country to bring the notice of the President certain observations that could undermine the well being of this administration if it is not nipped in the bud. These observations may sound incredible but they are true. Since the proponents of zoning appear to be loosing both the public perception and the propaganda war, they have resorted to several tactics, which would be highlighted shortly. But it’s pertinent to not that zoning has now become a provincial cry being advanced by IBB to simply cause disaffection and create factionalization. So far their foot soldiers are at work but they face an uphill task. Because everybody realizes that in the past 50 years of Nigeria’s existence as an entity, the North has ruled Nigeria for 37 years. Therefore the perceptions of the public are that given the extent of our present level of under development, then Nigeria has to transcend that element of provincialism. Most opinions centre on the fact that Nigeria politics have frown beyond zoning or rotation. We should advance to fully-fledged democracy to one-man one vote and that our leadership must be predicated on absolute merit.
The foregoing is not something that those who are desperate to return to Presidential villa want to subscribe to, rather, they have continued with nocturnal meetings all over the country in trying to perfect their strategy of stopping President Jonathan from aspiring to continue as President come 2011. Unfortunately, Adamu Ciroma and his team have recently reached out to General Gowon to help them Chair a committee meeting they drafted by some so-called Northern leaders to meet at the Arewa house in Kaduna on September 14 2010. The main thrust of the meeting is to deliberate on the issues of zoning with a view to selecting and presenting a consensus candidate for the North.
This meeting like the previous ones would be an exercise in futility. There is now ay that the desperate camps that represent the aspirants would come to one voice. Both the camps of Atiku, IBB and Aliyu Gusau do not operate on the same parameters. Hardy can anyone of them step down for the other. Therefore this meeting of adopting a consensus candidate is going to be hard and difficult. It will end up as a tower of Babel.
In the IBB camp, should the meeting of the 14th September not favour their principal, then they will still make an attempt at seeking nomination at the PDP’s primaries. If IBB looses the ticket to President Jonathan, then plans are already in advance stage for him to decamp to ANPP where he is assured of a ticket. But the main aim of going into the ANPP is to calculatively sabotage all the efforts of the PDP and particularly to sabotage the aspirations of the C-in-C. This information should not be taken with levity because it has been well planned as a credible contingency.
The President is invited to note that, he should not underrate the capacities of both Babangida and General Aliyu Gusau to cause mischief. For example both of them have collected money from President Gaddafi for their Presidential ambitions. While General Aliyu Gusau us using government avenues to beef up his finances IBB on the other hand is relying on Mike Adenuga to fund part of his campaign from their holdings in GLO and their oil blocks. IBB has also considerable financial interest in Toyota cars that come into this country. IBB has also invested huge funds through proxies in Angola in the oil and Gas sector.
These are potential cash calls that he will use for his diabolical moves. That is what is informing their confidence that, incumbency is not a deterrent to their ambitions because money is not their problem. Mr. President should beam his searchlights on Toyota Nig. Ltd and liaise with the Angolan authorities to unravel the extent of IBB’s involvement in that country’s oil and gas sector and to also find out where were the sources of funds for these investments. His holdings in Equatorial Guinea is already a common knowledge, the NNPC should be able to brief you on that.
The Governors Camp
Mr. President was briefed about the antics of the governors, even though some of them have denied the facts we have advanced, but we stand by what we have submitted. The meetings and maneuvers by the governors have continued. Their main plan however is to present Bukola Saraki as their candidate who will challenge the C-in-C at the PDP’s primaries. In their strategy meetings they resolved to use state funds at their disposal to buy the delegates. They would also use both intimidation and force on the delegates to ensure their compliance. This is what they will do during the primaries. Presently, they have three zones for this purpose. Governor is coordinating that region’s campaign while Governor Yuguda is heading the North Eastern axis.
Mr. President should be careful with the way he handles these governors, because from the way they are going on, they are clearly operating above the laws of the land. They have amasses money though fraudulent means with which they intend to buy delegates that would do their biddings. Their is therefore, the danger of Mr. President loosing all that the stands for if he allowed the governors to get to the PDP primaries without their being called to order. Intimidation is also part of administration, which Mr. President has at his disposal because the governors are not doing the right things in their states.
They are all corrupt yet they are scared stiff of being investigated. Investigated they must be, because that is what the President owes the Nigerian people who are short-changed.
Already the governors have dispatched their foot soldiers particularly in the north to brainwash the common people about power coming back to the North. They will use money to settle delegates. Monies that, they should have been suing to promote the development of their people. Is it not a shame in the 21st century Northern Nigerian people are dying like chickens because of cholera, which is caused by lack of clean drinking water? The souls of those who died due to this negligence will invoke God’s wrath on all these governors and their officials who have over the years embezzled money meant for water supply for the people. Even on the account of this massive carnage, Mr. President must move to investigate finances at the state levels. Corruption at the level of our Governors has become massive, widespread and pervasive and Mr. President should do something about it.
We must not allow the PDP primaries to take place, without panel beating our governors to shape. It will spell disaster to the Presidency. Therefore, Mr. President is advised to cause the security agencies to dispatch operatives to all the states without any exception. They must investigate what the government and chieftaincy affairs and Agriculture. These three ministries are where all the illegal activities of governors are taking place to siphon state funds. There is no exception, but Kwara, Gombe and Delta states are quite notorious.
There is no single state that differs in the administration of their local government ministries. No single governor is clean on this account. The current stealing leading to elections requires the special intervention of the President. Any move now to call them to order would be met with propaganda and blackmail. But the President owes a duty to save this country from these people. Another conduit where the governors in general have invested monies stole from their various states is in the United Arab Emirate of Dubai. One does not even need special investigation skills to know that billions of our money has been invested in Dubai.
Mr. President should cause investigation to be conducted on FIRST GROUP Inc. and DAMAC Properties all in Dubai. The result would not only be mind boggling but it will give the President a special impetus to confront the war on corruption with new vigour and that would endear him to the generality of Nigerians who have been systematically impoverished by their greedy leaders. The Investigation is a Must.
If however all these plans by both IBB group and the Governors group failed to stop the C-in-C from clinching the PDP ticket then as a last resort, they will pick up one candidate who is not so obvious right now and not in the scheme of things at the moment and foist him as their collective Presidential candidate. Though not confirmed, but speculations are rife that as a last Option they will pick Dr. Iyorchia Ayu or Fidelis Tapgun to put him against the C-in-C and back him up with all the funds at their disposal. The trick is that since these two are from the North and they are Christians, people would not say the Northern establishment is desperate upon promoting a battle between Christians and Muslims.
Bukola Saraki: Governor Saraki who is away to the lesser hajj has his cup full in Kwara state. There are also indications that the current Agricultural project the state is pursing along with the farmers from Zimbabwe is not transparent. There is a need for the Federal Government to look into these projects. Similarly Mr. President should ask for all the details regarding the involvement of Saraki in the Intercontinental Bank Saga, he will be caught red handed. Besides the current scheming that Saraki is doing to acquire Intercontinental Bank PLC it is more to cover up their crimes than any altruism. After all, did they not kill Societe Generale Bank through the same means of financial malfeasance? The following companies are the ones handling all the financial transaction of Bukola Saraki:
• LINKERS
• DIRECTRADE
• JOY PETROLEUM
• SKYVIEW PROPERTIES
Some of them have been on the watch list of the EFCC. Mr. President should cause the EFCC to furnish him with the updated information concerning the above-mentioned companies. The state security services can also be tasked on the same subject matter in order to compare the two results. There are also growing indications that the Chairman of EFCC has come to that job with a lot of baggage to the extent that sometimes there is a lot of than [sic] meets the eye.
Sule Lamido
The Governor of Jigawa state has been one of the arrowheads amongst the Governors who is promoting the “Jonathan must go” agenda. He is the one that works the phones on all the governors promoting the opposition of the C-in-C towards running for elections in 2011. In fact the issue of providing Bukola Saraki in the first place emanated as Sule Lamido’s idea.
The reason why Sule’s case is being mentioned here is that as at the time of writing this piece, the EFCC have stormed Jigawa state and arrested the Commissioner for Finance, Commissioner for Local Government Affairs and its permanent Secretary. People in Jigawa state are so happy about these arrests because Sule is running the state like a fiefdom. His son the District Head of Bamaina, their hometown is the sole contractor in the state. Sule have been running a dictatorship in the state and the people are happy his corruption is now coming under scrutiny in Abuja. The import of these arrests in Jigawa state is that it has sent a message to Sule co-Governors that the road they are travelling in their opposition will be rough.
Dangerous Trend
I am equally constrained to bring this to the attention of the President because of its strategic importance not only as it regards the elections of 2011 but because of our political stability. This has to do with Consolidated Oil, which is owned by Mike Adenuga as a proxy to his mentors in Nigeria. Consolidated Oil is a beneficiary of two oil Blocks which are fully operational under OPL113 and OPL458 which were acquired in 1991.
Just recently the Consolidated Oil struck huge finds of Natural gas reserves.
This took all the industry watchers by surprise because the fields never showed any signs of gas reserves before. This Natural gas reserve that is found in the Mike Adenuga’s fields is in the region of 3.5 trillion cubic feet. It is even larger than the natural gas reserves at the Brass LNG. This is a very dangerous trend, because the way thing are, Mike Adenuga will end up being the richest man ever in this continent. Presently, we are made to understand that our Brass LNG Company is begging Adenuga to sign a 30-year Natural Gas lifting contact with him. This is a dangerous trend, which the president must stop immediately. Mr. President should direct the Brass LNG to discontinue its negotiations with Adenuga. This issue has far wider security implications, which the President should examine carefully.
This is a dangerous trend with great security connotations. Mike Adenuga is a Nigerian with great dubious antecedents. Presently, he is wanted to Tax evasion in England and even here is Nigeria with all his money he is still indebted to and fighting a running battle with the Federal Inland Revenue Service on his taxes on the oil export that he makes continuously. His Equatorial Trust Bank (ETB) is run like a personal Bureau de change; at least, the Governor of CBN is on top of that situation. The main issue is that Mike Adenuga and his mentors have to be stopped in the collective interest of this country and the time to do it is right now.
Halliburton Case
It is indeed salutary that, the government is finally doing something about this monumental scandal. Nigeria needs a revolution of the heart to turn back the tide of corruption and this can be encouraged when the laws of the land are enforced regardless of who is involved. The President should be commended for this move and he should also summon up courage and deal with the corruption cases involving the Siemens contract.
The Halliburton scandal must be disposed off [sic] quickly to send a clear message about non-tolerance of corruption in all its ramifications. This country has been a laughing stock for too long. Transparency and accountability makes it difficult to hide corruption but where corruption is detected in this country there appears to be little sustained action to bring the perpetrators to justice. This move to deal with this Halliburton case is very refreshing. Therefore, maintaining a firm stance on recovering the movies and prosecuting the offenders will put the President ahead of the pack both in the eyes of Nigeria and of the International Community and leverage the hands of Nigerian government in its fight against corruption. For too long this country has been demeaned by the very leaders who were supposed to project its manifest destiny.
Conclusion
The foregoing highlights what is considered as a wake up call for the President. Power is given by the Almighty God to whom so ever he wishes.
Therefore, those people who think they can play “God” because certain decisions by government does not favour their selfish machinations, then the President who has the levers of Power, must take fundamental steps to protect his integrity as a person and to save this country from the preposterous activities of these cabals.
It is pertinent to note that, the future for Mr. President is not one of ease or resting, but of incessant striving that you may be able to fulfill the ledges you have made to the Nigerian people. That is the price of leadership; it is certainly the time to face the challenges of change. This country can ill-afford the success of these desperate people.
Salama Alayakum your Excellency, greetings of the glorious month of Ramadan. May we be immersed by the Almighty Allah in the radiance of the light of this glorious month, and may he reward us with bounties beyond out imagination. My best personal regards to you and your family.
With the assurances of my best personal consideration and esteem.
Lawan Gwadabe
Colonel (Rtd)
06 Sept. 2010
Erastus Akingbola Petitions AGF : Fraudulent Take-Over of Intercontinental Bank Plc By Dr. Bukola Saraki, Malam Lamido Sanusi & Mahmoud Lai Alabi
By Erastus Akingbola
The Honourable Attorney-General & Minister Of Justice Attorney-General’s Chambers Federal Ministry Of Justice, Abuja.
Dear Sir: 1. About two and a half years ago, Dr. Bukola Saraki requested that we merge Societe Generale with Intercontinental Bank (IB) Plc.
We conducted a due diligence exercise and noticed N30bn negative capital – so the board of IB Plc turned it down. Dr. Saraki was very unhappy.
2. When time came for the renewal of Gov. Soludo’s appointment as CBN Governor, Dr. Saraki blocked it with late President Yar’Adua and brought him Lamido Sanusi. Being my customer, Dr. Saraki confirmed this personally to me.
3. Lamido Sanusi was appointed CBN Gov. on 4th June, 2009, and on the 18th June, - after just two weeks in office – he sent CBN examiners to five banks including IB Plc. This was quite unusual, as the CBN had just completed a comprehensive examination of IB Plc as part of normal protocol. The result of this was good.
4. The new examination finished in mid-July, and we were expecting their report. Suddenly, they returned claiming that several accounts, which they had verified and agreed with us as “performing”, were now reclassified “non-performing”.
5. Despite these manipulations, IB Plc’s ratios were alright. Unusually, the CBN examiners returned on four separate visits to reclassify even more accounts as “non-performing”. These even included what we regarded as our best accounts.
6. This prompted me to ask some of the examiners what was really going on. They confided that the new Governor was bent on removing certain bank CEOs, and wanted to show that IB Plc was too exposed to bad loans. They said he formed a team in CBN reporting to him directly. Each completed examination report was turned down if it was not damning enough and they were ordered to go back until they achieved certain ratios.
7. One of the examiners showed me a report on IB Plc, which was favourable. This has been rejected by the CBN Governor, as it did not justify or warrant my removal.
8. Quite disturbed by this development, I decided to speak to Dr. Bukola Saraki, since he recommended Malam Lamido Sanusi’s appointment. He told me that the CBN Governor was unhappy with myself and Mrs. Ibru (of Oceanic Bank) because according to him, we had contributed N6bn to the Senate to block Lamido
Sanusi’s confirmation as CBN Governor. I refuted this allegation telling Dr. Saraki that my religion would never allow me to do such a thing, as no human can undo what God has ordered in Heaven.
9. I immediately booked an appointment to see Lamido Sanusi in the CBN and questioned him regarding the N6bn Senate bribery allegation. He said he had put that behind him, as “not all king makers in council will support the choice of a new Emir”. I once again reiterated my innocence, based on my religion, that the God I serve will never permit me to try to block someone else’s good fortune.
10. Later, I mentioned to Alhaji Aliko Dangote the strange repeated CBN examinations and the allegation by Lamido Sanusi. He promised to speak to him and ask him about the matter.
11. Surprisingly, Alhaji Dangote returned to say Lamido Sanusi revealed that he was told of the alleged bribe by Dr. Saraki, and that I even lobbied him to be the CBN Governor.
12. Apparently, it was Dr. Bukola Saraki inciting Sanusi against me, as a way of removing me and taking over IB Plc.
13. It has now become evident that both Dr. Saraki & Malam Sanusi used the opportunity of the worldwide financial crisis of 2008- 2009 to jump into certain banking institutions and take them over. The crisis had been acknowledged and was being well managed by Professor Chukwuma Soludo, the former CBN Governor.
The ENTIRE industry was affected, as others worldwide.
The Nigerian economy was hit by four economic catastrophe namely:
a. The oil price drop from $147 per barrel to $30. All oil importers refused to sell in a hurry at this new low price, so banks had to give them time for the price to improve.
b. The worldwide stock market collapsed and this led all foreign investors in the Nigerian stock exchange to hurriedly sell their shares. This further depreciated the Nigerian stock exchange index, also having an adverse effect on the banking industry.
c. The CBN, in response to crashing oil price, devalued the Naira by 40%. This meant importers with unsettled bills had to source more Naira to buy Dollar, and thus, put a strain on bank customers and the loan portfolio of the banks.
d. The sudden devaluation of the Naira by 40% caused a panic among overseas banks that had dollar placements with Nigerian banks. They immediately gave notice and withdrew their funds. IB Plc lost $1.2bn in this way.
Rather than the new CBN Governor to perform the role of ‘lender of last resort’, he used the crisis to take over banks for his mentor.
All these banks had prominent Nigerians waiting to buy them at “knock-down” or give-away” prices. However, the media altered the equation.
14. On the 14th of August 2009, without any discussion, Malam Sanusi issued me a letter of removal as CEO of IB Plc. He also removed all executive directors of the bank with armed police men.
15. The letter (copy attached), said that based on the examination he ordered on the 18th June, 2009, it is in the public interest for the CBN to intervene by taking over the bank.
16. Till today, no report of the examination has been made available to me, the management, or the Board of the bank. We had no opportunity to learn how the CBN came to its decision, nor were given an opportunity to respond to the examination report, as is the usual process.
17. My removal by Malam Sanusi was done in flagrant disregard of the legal provisions regarding the removal of bank directors (i.e. Section 35 of the Banks and Other Financial Institutions Act, Cap. B4 Laws of the Federation, 2004) as there was no lawful special examination ordered into the affairs of Intercontinental Bank Plc, as required by law. Since no order for special examination of the bank’s affairs was signed by Malam Sanusi, as required of him by the law of this country, his order for my removal is, improper and unlawful.
18. The current CBN examination of May 2010, now says there is a N95bn loan over-provision, which means IB Plc was deliberately marked down previously.
19. Two lorry loads of police were sent to IB Plc to remove me. It was like a bad movie, a big surprise that a person can be driven away from a business he had started and nurtured for over 21 years in one hour. And without any opportunity to contest it.
20. I was surprised that the next morning (Saturday), all the papers carried personal interviews with Malam Sanusi, in which he accused all the CEOs of various misdeeds. This showed that it was pre-planned and well-rehearsed.
21. On the evening of 19th August, I received a call that Malam Sanusi under the powers that the late President had delegated to him, had ordered the EFCC, the Police and the SSS to arrest me. I also learned that two lorry loads of personnel were en route. I hurriedly left the house, though I could not believe that all this had transpired in the last 72 hours.
22. I then recalled a professional disagreement with Malam Sanusi while he was CEO of First Bank. Back then, I had discovered that his staff members were de-marketing IB Plc and I wrote to him concerning this. .
23. My immediate conclusion was that Dr. Saraki and Malam Sanusi wanted to take over IB Plc by fraudulent means, and that if I went into their custody, it could result in my death, in order to silence any opposition to their plans.
24. Mr. Mahmoud Lai Alabi was appointed by the CBN as the new CEO of IB Plc. Mr. Alabi is an employee of Dr. Saraki as chairman of Songa Farms and several development funds in the state. On resuming, his first task was to write off Dr. Saraki’s loans to the tune of N8.115bn (Papers & letters attached). He also wrote off loans totaling N32bn to friends of Dr. Saraki and Malam Sanusi.
All this, in a bank that they were meant to be rescuing. All these written-off loans had been classified as “good” and “performing” by the CBN examiners, and had been secured with properties in Ikoyi (Lagos), Victoria Island (Lagos), and Abuja. The
CBN examination report of May 2010 complained about this massive loan or “cash gift” to Dr. Saraki. Next, he recruited former Societe Generale staff as Executive Directors and loan managers (for example, Mr. Gbenga Alade). Mr. Alabi proceeded to sack the entire senior management of IB Plc and replaced them with former Societe Generale staff. It is clear, from these actions, that I was removed to smoothen the takeover of IB Plc for Dr. Saraki.
25. As at the time the shareholders’ appointed management was ousted by Malam Lamido Sanusi, IB Plc was not owing the CBN one kobo on the discount window. Also, IB Plc had Inter-Bank takings of N73 Billion. However, as at today under the CBN’s appointed management, IB Plc is now owing the CBN N100 Billion and owing other Banks N300 Billion, making a total deficit of N400 Billion after the purported intervention by the CBN.
26. It is rather curious that:
a. All the banks are yet to receive any examination report from the CBN to show areas of deficiencies.
b. The CEO and entire senior management were removed without the Board or shareholders being informed.
c. Without any criminal charges or reports, the CEOs were arrested and locked up – to prevent them from speaking to the media.
d. It was after locking them up that the EFCC started searching for possible offences (in my case, it took 4 months of searching for any offence to pin on me).
e. Mr. Alabi, the new CEO of Intercontinental Bank Plc, is an employee of Dr. Saraki (chairman of Songa Farms in Kwara). In fact, Dr. Saraki is running IB Plc by proxy.
f. Within two months of his appointment, Mr. Alabi wrote off N7bn of Dr. Saraki’s loans – the companies are Linkers, Dicetrade, Skyview Properties, and Joy Petroleum.
g. As the appointment of each senior management of IB Plc was being terminated, Mr. Alabi was recruiting and replacing them with former Societe Generale staff, in order to complete the take-over. For instance, the Executive Director of risk management brought into IB Plc (Mr. Gbenga Alade) is a former Societe Generale staff member.
h. Dr. Saraki has now used his political power to take over IB Plc after his failed peaceful merger attempts.
i. Malam Sanusi claims to have injected N100bn, (which is less that 10% of the IB Plc’s value), and as such now owns it 100%. This is a bank with a balance sheet of N1.6 trillion; 330 branches; 2 foreign subsidiaries; 10 well-established subsidiaries; 12,000 members of staff; and paidup capital of N230 billion. Where is the justice?
j. When Malam Sanusi initially injected N100bn into IB Plc, he wrote to the Board that it was a seven-year loan (copy attached). Why is he now trying desperately to sell the bank within a year of the loan?
27. I am appealing to the Attorney General and Minister of Justice to institute an independent investigation into the “so-called” banking reform of Malam Sanusi and the fraudulent N32 billion loan write-off.
28. I am also appealing to this government which believes in the rule of law to reverse the fraudulent take-over of Intercontinental
Bank Plc and return it to its Board, management and shareholders.
29. All the allegations against the banks’ CEOs should be independently investigated by the Attorney General’s office for fairness.
30. Even with the deliberate damage being done to the banks and their stock prices on a daily basis, if we are given six to nine months, the banks will be restructured to the normal, favourable and fair positions.
signed
ERASTUS B. O. AKINGBOLA
if all this were in fact close to the truth, we best be ready for the fight of our lives to free Nigeria...
Federal Road Safety Commission, Office of the Chairman
September 06, 2010
Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GCFR)
President
Commander-in-Chief
Armed Forces of Nigeria
Presidential Villa
Abuja
The State of the Nation:
I feel constrained once more as a citizen of this country to bring to the notice of Mr. President certain observations that are critical to the well being of this great country for your immediate attention.
Kindly accept my best wishes and my prayers and may the Almighty God continue to guide you aright.
Lawan Gwadabe Colonel (Rtd)...former IBB boy
Introduction
Nigeria is a key power on the African continent, not only because of its size, but also because of its political and economic role in the region. Nigeria’s economy is Africa’s second largest, and its [sic] one of the world’s major sources of oil and natural gas. Still on the positive side, Nigeria has mediated in conflicts throughout the continent and its troops have played a critical role in peace and stability operations in the region. The country ranks 4th among troop contributors to the United Nations peace keeping missions around the world.
This author who on behalf of Nigeria has been involved in the peace process that brought settlements, peace and accommodation to Mozambique, Angola and Sudan respectively testifies that Nigeria has indeed played a vital role in the stability of the continent at a great sacrifice to both its human and material resources. Nigeria therefore is a key power in the continent whose fate is so decisive for the progress of Africa. In fact there is no country across a range of issues that has the power so thoroughly to shape outcomes elsewhere in Sub-Saharan Africa. We should therefore be proud to be Nigerians despite our numerous shortcomings.
Nigeria continues to face serous social and economic challenges Even [sic] though majority of our population suffer from poverty, which can be avoidable with sustained anti-poverty development programmes. Nigeria remains relatively stable with the prospect of a greater economic development. Part of the challenges Nigeria face is that of corruption. This cancer is almost the primary reason why Nigeria’s oil and gas wealth has no translated into higher standards of living in healthcare, education and includes infrastructure, for the generality of its people.
The current administration’s commitment to continue the fight against corruption is commendable but if the EFCC’s complaint about the court delays in prosecuting cases are anything to go by then the government may need to consider the establishment of special anti-corruption courts to rightly prosecute such cases. The delay cases in court itself is a charade. And Justice delayed justice denied. The President needs to be firm on these matters and no amount of political intimidations should deter him […] Corruption stories should not take the shine out of our 50th anniversary of Independence. Mr. President should use the occasion to bring to the fore Nigeria’s contribution to Africa and the giant strides we have achieved domestically since 1960. There is no country in Africa like Nigeria and our people must be made to appreciate their place in the continent. We should be proud that one in five people in Sub-Saharan Africa calls Nigeria home. Mr. President must emphasize that success is measured by the challenges and obstacles we must overcome to get there.
The incumbent has come across the generality of Nigerians as a sincere and committed person. Therefore no stone should be left unturned in searching for collective solutions to our problems that would assist the President. The challenges Nigeria faces are no doubt enormous. The task is daunting because the scope of reforms that is required for our national transformation is enormous. The President needs a bold move to face these challenges. To rescue Nigeria from the edges of failure and onto the path of socio-economic recovery, extra-ordinary bold steps need to be taken.
General Observations
It is a truism that, the people themselves are the safe depositories of their government through the leader whom they assigned their mandate, in the case of this country, the incumbent President. But when our past rulers who are desperate to come back to office throw caution to the winds and are busy arrogating to themselves the task of taking decisions behind the scenes on what should obtain come 2011, creating factionalization in the polity to satisfy their whims, then, that government begins to get undermined and may not meet the aspirations of its people.
It is therefore my civic duty as a citizen of this country to bring the notice of the President certain observations that could undermine the well being of this administration if it is not nipped in the bud. These observations may sound incredible but they are true. Since the proponents of zoning appear to be loosing both the public perception and the propaganda war, they have resorted to several tactics, which would be highlighted shortly. But it’s pertinent to not that zoning has now become a provincial cry being advanced by IBB to simply cause disaffection and create factionalization. So far their foot soldiers are at work but they face an uphill task. Because everybody realizes that in the past 50 years of Nigeria’s existence as an entity, the North has ruled Nigeria for 37 years. Therefore the perceptions of the public are that given the extent of our present level of under development, then Nigeria has to transcend that element of provincialism. Most opinions centre on the fact that Nigeria politics have frown beyond zoning or rotation. We should advance to fully-fledged democracy to one-man one vote and that our leadership must be predicated on absolute merit.
The foregoing is not something that those who are desperate to return to Presidential villa want to subscribe to, rather, they have continued with nocturnal meetings all over the country in trying to perfect their strategy of stopping President Jonathan from aspiring to continue as President come 2011. Unfortunately, Adamu Ciroma and his team have recently reached out to General Gowon to help them Chair a committee meeting they drafted by some so-called Northern leaders to meet at the Arewa house in Kaduna on September 14 2010. The main thrust of the meeting is to deliberate on the issues of zoning with a view to selecting and presenting a consensus candidate for the North.
This meeting like the previous ones would be an exercise in futility. There is now ay that the desperate camps that represent the aspirants would come to one voice. Both the camps of Atiku, IBB and Aliyu Gusau do not operate on the same parameters. Hardy can anyone of them step down for the other. Therefore this meeting of adopting a consensus candidate is going to be hard and difficult. It will end up as a tower of Babel.
In the IBB camp, should the meeting of the 14th September not favour their principal, then they will still make an attempt at seeking nomination at the PDP’s primaries. If IBB looses the ticket to President Jonathan, then plans are already in advance stage for him to decamp to ANPP where he is assured of a ticket. But the main aim of going into the ANPP is to calculatively sabotage all the efforts of the PDP and particularly to sabotage the aspirations of the C-in-C. This information should not be taken with levity because it has been well planned as a credible contingency.
The President is invited to note that, he should not underrate the capacities of both Babangida and General Aliyu Gusau to cause mischief. For example both of them have collected money from President Gaddafi for their Presidential ambitions. While General Aliyu Gusau us using government avenues to beef up his finances IBB on the other hand is relying on Mike Adenuga to fund part of his campaign from their holdings in GLO and their oil blocks. IBB has also considerable financial interest in Toyota cars that come into this country. IBB has also invested huge funds through proxies in Angola in the oil and Gas sector.
These are potential cash calls that he will use for his diabolical moves. That is what is informing their confidence that, incumbency is not a deterrent to their ambitions because money is not their problem. Mr. President should beam his searchlights on Toyota Nig. Ltd and liaise with the Angolan authorities to unravel the extent of IBB’s involvement in that country’s oil and gas sector and to also find out where were the sources of funds for these investments. His holdings in Equatorial Guinea is already a common knowledge, the NNPC should be able to brief you on that.
The Governors Camp
Mr. President was briefed about the antics of the governors, even though some of them have denied the facts we have advanced, but we stand by what we have submitted. The meetings and maneuvers by the governors have continued. Their main plan however is to present Bukola Saraki as their candidate who will challenge the C-in-C at the PDP’s primaries. In their strategy meetings they resolved to use state funds at their disposal to buy the delegates. They would also use both intimidation and force on the delegates to ensure their compliance. This is what they will do during the primaries. Presently, they have three zones for this purpose. Governor is coordinating that region’s campaign while Governor Yuguda is heading the North Eastern axis.
Mr. President should be careful with the way he handles these governors, because from the way they are going on, they are clearly operating above the laws of the land. They have amasses money though fraudulent means with which they intend to buy delegates that would do their biddings. Their is therefore, the danger of Mr. President loosing all that the stands for if he allowed the governors to get to the PDP primaries without their being called to order. Intimidation is also part of administration, which Mr. President has at his disposal because the governors are not doing the right things in their states.
They are all corrupt yet they are scared stiff of being investigated. Investigated they must be, because that is what the President owes the Nigerian people who are short-changed.
Already the governors have dispatched their foot soldiers particularly in the north to brainwash the common people about power coming back to the North. They will use money to settle delegates. Monies that, they should have been suing to promote the development of their people. Is it not a shame in the 21st century Northern Nigerian people are dying like chickens because of cholera, which is caused by lack of clean drinking water? The souls of those who died due to this negligence will invoke God’s wrath on all these governors and their officials who have over the years embezzled money meant for water supply for the people. Even on the account of this massive carnage, Mr. President must move to investigate finances at the state levels. Corruption at the level of our Governors has become massive, widespread and pervasive and Mr. President should do something about it.
We must not allow the PDP primaries to take place, without panel beating our governors to shape. It will spell disaster to the Presidency. Therefore, Mr. President is advised to cause the security agencies to dispatch operatives to all the states without any exception. They must investigate what the government and chieftaincy affairs and Agriculture. These three ministries are where all the illegal activities of governors are taking place to siphon state funds. There is no exception, but Kwara, Gombe and Delta states are quite notorious.
There is no single state that differs in the administration of their local government ministries. No single governor is clean on this account. The current stealing leading to elections requires the special intervention of the President. Any move now to call them to order would be met with propaganda and blackmail. But the President owes a duty to save this country from these people. Another conduit where the governors in general have invested monies stole from their various states is in the United Arab Emirate of Dubai. One does not even need special investigation skills to know that billions of our money has been invested in Dubai.
Mr. President should cause investigation to be conducted on FIRST GROUP Inc. and DAMAC Properties all in Dubai. The result would not only be mind boggling but it will give the President a special impetus to confront the war on corruption with new vigour and that would endear him to the generality of Nigerians who have been systematically impoverished by their greedy leaders. The Investigation is a Must.
If however all these plans by both IBB group and the Governors group failed to stop the C-in-C from clinching the PDP ticket then as a last resort, they will pick up one candidate who is not so obvious right now and not in the scheme of things at the moment and foist him as their collective Presidential candidate. Though not confirmed, but speculations are rife that as a last Option they will pick Dr. Iyorchia Ayu or Fidelis Tapgun to put him against the C-in-C and back him up with all the funds at their disposal. The trick is that since these two are from the North and they are Christians, people would not say the Northern establishment is desperate upon promoting a battle between Christians and Muslims.
Bukola Saraki: Governor Saraki who is away to the lesser hajj has his cup full in Kwara state. There are also indications that the current Agricultural project the state is pursing along with the farmers from Zimbabwe is not transparent. There is a need for the Federal Government to look into these projects. Similarly Mr. President should ask for all the details regarding the involvement of Saraki in the Intercontinental Bank Saga, he will be caught red handed. Besides the current scheming that Saraki is doing to acquire Intercontinental Bank PLC it is more to cover up their crimes than any altruism. After all, did they not kill Societe Generale Bank through the same means of financial malfeasance? The following companies are the ones handling all the financial transaction of Bukola Saraki:
• LINKERS
• DIRECTRADE
• JOY PETROLEUM
• SKYVIEW PROPERTIES
Some of them have been on the watch list of the EFCC. Mr. President should cause the EFCC to furnish him with the updated information concerning the above-mentioned companies. The state security services can also be tasked on the same subject matter in order to compare the two results. There are also growing indications that the Chairman of EFCC has come to that job with a lot of baggage to the extent that sometimes there is a lot of than [sic] meets the eye.
Sule Lamido
The Governor of Jigawa state has been one of the arrowheads amongst the Governors who is promoting the “Jonathan must go” agenda. He is the one that works the phones on all the governors promoting the opposition of the C-in-C towards running for elections in 2011. In fact the issue of providing Bukola Saraki in the first place emanated as Sule Lamido’s idea.
The reason why Sule’s case is being mentioned here is that as at the time of writing this piece, the EFCC have stormed Jigawa state and arrested the Commissioner for Finance, Commissioner for Local Government Affairs and its permanent Secretary. People in Jigawa state are so happy about these arrests because Sule is running the state like a fiefdom. His son the District Head of Bamaina, their hometown is the sole contractor in the state. Sule have been running a dictatorship in the state and the people are happy his corruption is now coming under scrutiny in Abuja. The import of these arrests in Jigawa state is that it has sent a message to Sule co-Governors that the road they are travelling in their opposition will be rough.
Dangerous Trend
I am equally constrained to bring this to the attention of the President because of its strategic importance not only as it regards the elections of 2011 but because of our political stability. This has to do with Consolidated Oil, which is owned by Mike Adenuga as a proxy to his mentors in Nigeria. Consolidated Oil is a beneficiary of two oil Blocks which are fully operational under OPL113 and OPL458 which were acquired in 1991.
Just recently the Consolidated Oil struck huge finds of Natural gas reserves.
This took all the industry watchers by surprise because the fields never showed any signs of gas reserves before. This Natural gas reserve that is found in the Mike Adenuga’s fields is in the region of 3.5 trillion cubic feet. It is even larger than the natural gas reserves at the Brass LNG. This is a very dangerous trend, because the way thing are, Mike Adenuga will end up being the richest man ever in this continent. Presently, we are made to understand that our Brass LNG Company is begging Adenuga to sign a 30-year Natural Gas lifting contact with him. This is a dangerous trend, which the president must stop immediately. Mr. President should direct the Brass LNG to discontinue its negotiations with Adenuga. This issue has far wider security implications, which the President should examine carefully.
This is a dangerous trend with great security connotations. Mike Adenuga is a Nigerian with great dubious antecedents. Presently, he is wanted to Tax evasion in England and even here is Nigeria with all his money he is still indebted to and fighting a running battle with the Federal Inland Revenue Service on his taxes on the oil export that he makes continuously. His Equatorial Trust Bank (ETB) is run like a personal Bureau de change; at least, the Governor of CBN is on top of that situation. The main issue is that Mike Adenuga and his mentors have to be stopped in the collective interest of this country and the time to do it is right now.
Halliburton Case
It is indeed salutary that, the government is finally doing something about this monumental scandal. Nigeria needs a revolution of the heart to turn back the tide of corruption and this can be encouraged when the laws of the land are enforced regardless of who is involved. The President should be commended for this move and he should also summon up courage and deal with the corruption cases involving the Siemens contract.
The Halliburton scandal must be disposed off [sic] quickly to send a clear message about non-tolerance of corruption in all its ramifications. This country has been a laughing stock for too long. Transparency and accountability makes it difficult to hide corruption but where corruption is detected in this country there appears to be little sustained action to bring the perpetrators to justice. This move to deal with this Halliburton case is very refreshing. Therefore, maintaining a firm stance on recovering the movies and prosecuting the offenders will put the President ahead of the pack both in the eyes of Nigeria and of the International Community and leverage the hands of Nigerian government in its fight against corruption. For too long this country has been demeaned by the very leaders who were supposed to project its manifest destiny.
Conclusion
The foregoing highlights what is considered as a wake up call for the President. Power is given by the Almighty God to whom so ever he wishes.
Therefore, those people who think they can play “God” because certain decisions by government does not favour their selfish machinations, then the President who has the levers of Power, must take fundamental steps to protect his integrity as a person and to save this country from the preposterous activities of these cabals.
It is pertinent to note that, the future for Mr. President is not one of ease or resting, but of incessant striving that you may be able to fulfill the ledges you have made to the Nigerian people. That is the price of leadership; it is certainly the time to face the challenges of change. This country can ill-afford the success of these desperate people.
Salama Alayakum your Excellency, greetings of the glorious month of Ramadan. May we be immersed by the Almighty Allah in the radiance of the light of this glorious month, and may he reward us with bounties beyond out imagination. My best personal regards to you and your family.
With the assurances of my best personal consideration and esteem.
Lawan Gwadabe
Colonel (Rtd)
06 Sept. 2010
Erastus Akingbola Petitions AGF : Fraudulent Take-Over of Intercontinental Bank Plc By Dr. Bukola Saraki, Malam Lamido Sanusi & Mahmoud Lai Alabi
By Erastus Akingbola
The Honourable Attorney-General & Minister Of Justice Attorney-General’s Chambers Federal Ministry Of Justice, Abuja.
Dear Sir: 1. About two and a half years ago, Dr. Bukola Saraki requested that we merge Societe Generale with Intercontinental Bank (IB) Plc.
We conducted a due diligence exercise and noticed N30bn negative capital – so the board of IB Plc turned it down. Dr. Saraki was very unhappy.
2. When time came for the renewal of Gov. Soludo’s appointment as CBN Governor, Dr. Saraki blocked it with late President Yar’Adua and brought him Lamido Sanusi. Being my customer, Dr. Saraki confirmed this personally to me.
3. Lamido Sanusi was appointed CBN Gov. on 4th June, 2009, and on the 18th June, - after just two weeks in office – he sent CBN examiners to five banks including IB Plc. This was quite unusual, as the CBN had just completed a comprehensive examination of IB Plc as part of normal protocol. The result of this was good.
4. The new examination finished in mid-July, and we were expecting their report. Suddenly, they returned claiming that several accounts, which they had verified and agreed with us as “performing”, were now reclassified “non-performing”.
5. Despite these manipulations, IB Plc’s ratios were alright. Unusually, the CBN examiners returned on four separate visits to reclassify even more accounts as “non-performing”. These even included what we regarded as our best accounts.
6. This prompted me to ask some of the examiners what was really going on. They confided that the new Governor was bent on removing certain bank CEOs, and wanted to show that IB Plc was too exposed to bad loans. They said he formed a team in CBN reporting to him directly. Each completed examination report was turned down if it was not damning enough and they were ordered to go back until they achieved certain ratios.
7. One of the examiners showed me a report on IB Plc, which was favourable. This has been rejected by the CBN Governor, as it did not justify or warrant my removal.
8. Quite disturbed by this development, I decided to speak to Dr. Bukola Saraki, since he recommended Malam Lamido Sanusi’s appointment. He told me that the CBN Governor was unhappy with myself and Mrs. Ibru (of Oceanic Bank) because according to him, we had contributed N6bn to the Senate to block Lamido
Sanusi’s confirmation as CBN Governor. I refuted this allegation telling Dr. Saraki that my religion would never allow me to do such a thing, as no human can undo what God has ordered in Heaven.
9. I immediately booked an appointment to see Lamido Sanusi in the CBN and questioned him regarding the N6bn Senate bribery allegation. He said he had put that behind him, as “not all king makers in council will support the choice of a new Emir”. I once again reiterated my innocence, based on my religion, that the God I serve will never permit me to try to block someone else’s good fortune.
10. Later, I mentioned to Alhaji Aliko Dangote the strange repeated CBN examinations and the allegation by Lamido Sanusi. He promised to speak to him and ask him about the matter.
11. Surprisingly, Alhaji Dangote returned to say Lamido Sanusi revealed that he was told of the alleged bribe by Dr. Saraki, and that I even lobbied him to be the CBN Governor.
12. Apparently, it was Dr. Bukola Saraki inciting Sanusi against me, as a way of removing me and taking over IB Plc.
13. It has now become evident that both Dr. Saraki & Malam Sanusi used the opportunity of the worldwide financial crisis of 2008- 2009 to jump into certain banking institutions and take them over. The crisis had been acknowledged and was being well managed by Professor Chukwuma Soludo, the former CBN Governor.
The ENTIRE industry was affected, as others worldwide.
The Nigerian economy was hit by four economic catastrophe namely:
a. The oil price drop from $147 per barrel to $30. All oil importers refused to sell in a hurry at this new low price, so banks had to give them time for the price to improve.
b. The worldwide stock market collapsed and this led all foreign investors in the Nigerian stock exchange to hurriedly sell their shares. This further depreciated the Nigerian stock exchange index, also having an adverse effect on the banking industry.
c. The CBN, in response to crashing oil price, devalued the Naira by 40%. This meant importers with unsettled bills had to source more Naira to buy Dollar, and thus, put a strain on bank customers and the loan portfolio of the banks.
d. The sudden devaluation of the Naira by 40% caused a panic among overseas banks that had dollar placements with Nigerian banks. They immediately gave notice and withdrew their funds. IB Plc lost $1.2bn in this way.
Rather than the new CBN Governor to perform the role of ‘lender of last resort’, he used the crisis to take over banks for his mentor.
All these banks had prominent Nigerians waiting to buy them at “knock-down” or give-away” prices. However, the media altered the equation.
14. On the 14th of August 2009, without any discussion, Malam Sanusi issued me a letter of removal as CEO of IB Plc. He also removed all executive directors of the bank with armed police men.
15. The letter (copy attached), said that based on the examination he ordered on the 18th June, 2009, it is in the public interest for the CBN to intervene by taking over the bank.
16. Till today, no report of the examination has been made available to me, the management, or the Board of the bank. We had no opportunity to learn how the CBN came to its decision, nor were given an opportunity to respond to the examination report, as is the usual process.
17. My removal by Malam Sanusi was done in flagrant disregard of the legal provisions regarding the removal of bank directors (i.e. Section 35 of the Banks and Other Financial Institutions Act, Cap. B4 Laws of the Federation, 2004) as there was no lawful special examination ordered into the affairs of Intercontinental Bank Plc, as required by law. Since no order for special examination of the bank’s affairs was signed by Malam Sanusi, as required of him by the law of this country, his order for my removal is, improper and unlawful.
18. The current CBN examination of May 2010, now says there is a N95bn loan over-provision, which means IB Plc was deliberately marked down previously.
19. Two lorry loads of police were sent to IB Plc to remove me. It was like a bad movie, a big surprise that a person can be driven away from a business he had started and nurtured for over 21 years in one hour. And without any opportunity to contest it.
20. I was surprised that the next morning (Saturday), all the papers carried personal interviews with Malam Sanusi, in which he accused all the CEOs of various misdeeds. This showed that it was pre-planned and well-rehearsed.
21. On the evening of 19th August, I received a call that Malam Sanusi under the powers that the late President had delegated to him, had ordered the EFCC, the Police and the SSS to arrest me. I also learned that two lorry loads of personnel were en route. I hurriedly left the house, though I could not believe that all this had transpired in the last 72 hours.
22. I then recalled a professional disagreement with Malam Sanusi while he was CEO of First Bank. Back then, I had discovered that his staff members were de-marketing IB Plc and I wrote to him concerning this. .
23. My immediate conclusion was that Dr. Saraki and Malam Sanusi wanted to take over IB Plc by fraudulent means, and that if I went into their custody, it could result in my death, in order to silence any opposition to their plans.
24. Mr. Mahmoud Lai Alabi was appointed by the CBN as the new CEO of IB Plc. Mr. Alabi is an employee of Dr. Saraki as chairman of Songa Farms and several development funds in the state. On resuming, his first task was to write off Dr. Saraki’s loans to the tune of N8.115bn (Papers & letters attached). He also wrote off loans totaling N32bn to friends of Dr. Saraki and Malam Sanusi.
All this, in a bank that they were meant to be rescuing. All these written-off loans had been classified as “good” and “performing” by the CBN examiners, and had been secured with properties in Ikoyi (Lagos), Victoria Island (Lagos), and Abuja. The
CBN examination report of May 2010 complained about this massive loan or “cash gift” to Dr. Saraki. Next, he recruited former Societe Generale staff as Executive Directors and loan managers (for example, Mr. Gbenga Alade). Mr. Alabi proceeded to sack the entire senior management of IB Plc and replaced them with former Societe Generale staff. It is clear, from these actions, that I was removed to smoothen the takeover of IB Plc for Dr. Saraki.
25. As at the time the shareholders’ appointed management was ousted by Malam Lamido Sanusi, IB Plc was not owing the CBN one kobo on the discount window. Also, IB Plc had Inter-Bank takings of N73 Billion. However, as at today under the CBN’s appointed management, IB Plc is now owing the CBN N100 Billion and owing other Banks N300 Billion, making a total deficit of N400 Billion after the purported intervention by the CBN.
26. It is rather curious that:
a. All the banks are yet to receive any examination report from the CBN to show areas of deficiencies.
b. The CEO and entire senior management were removed without the Board or shareholders being informed.
c. Without any criminal charges or reports, the CEOs were arrested and locked up – to prevent them from speaking to the media.
d. It was after locking them up that the EFCC started searching for possible offences (in my case, it took 4 months of searching for any offence to pin on me).
e. Mr. Alabi, the new CEO of Intercontinental Bank Plc, is an employee of Dr. Saraki (chairman of Songa Farms in Kwara). In fact, Dr. Saraki is running IB Plc by proxy.
f. Within two months of his appointment, Mr. Alabi wrote off N7bn of Dr. Saraki’s loans – the companies are Linkers, Dicetrade, Skyview Properties, and Joy Petroleum.
g. As the appointment of each senior management of IB Plc was being terminated, Mr. Alabi was recruiting and replacing them with former Societe Generale staff, in order to complete the take-over. For instance, the Executive Director of risk management brought into IB Plc (Mr. Gbenga Alade) is a former Societe Generale staff member.
h. Dr. Saraki has now used his political power to take over IB Plc after his failed peaceful merger attempts.
i. Malam Sanusi claims to have injected N100bn, (which is less that 10% of the IB Plc’s value), and as such now owns it 100%. This is a bank with a balance sheet of N1.6 trillion; 330 branches; 2 foreign subsidiaries; 10 well-established subsidiaries; 12,000 members of staff; and paidup capital of N230 billion. Where is the justice?
j. When Malam Sanusi initially injected N100bn into IB Plc, he wrote to the Board that it was a seven-year loan (copy attached). Why is he now trying desperately to sell the bank within a year of the loan?
27. I am appealing to the Attorney General and Minister of Justice to institute an independent investigation into the “so-called” banking reform of Malam Sanusi and the fraudulent N32 billion loan write-off.
28. I am also appealing to this government which believes in the rule of law to reverse the fraudulent take-over of Intercontinental
Bank Plc and return it to its Board, management and shareholders.
29. All the allegations against the banks’ CEOs should be independently investigated by the Attorney General’s office for fairness.
30. Even with the deliberate damage being done to the banks and their stock prices on a daily basis, if we are given six to nine months, the banks will be restructured to the normal, favourable and fair positions.
signed
ERASTUS B. O. AKINGBOLA
if all this were in fact close to the truth, we best be ready for the fight of our lives to free Nigeria...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Naija,2011?
Elections the world over since the advent of democracy has been a major milestone by which governments are measured. The credibility or otherwise of elections go a long way in determining the way in which a government, people, country or even continent is perceived and related to in this era of global convergence.
It is in the light of this realization that we need to honestly and responsibly take stock of where we have been and where we are right now and where we intend going as a nation; we need to ascertain what sort of perception we desire to exude beginning from our fifty first year of ‘naming’ then we can tell ourselves the truth about the kind of elections we want to hold in 2011.
It is said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, misuse or abuse is inevitable...if the leadership and the follower-ship do not have a clear picture about how they want to exist and be perceived, how can they both now plot a common destination? What is the purpose of the 2011 elections? Why are we agitatedly at this juncture once again? Is there a new ring to it? Is it that there is much more money to be made? Is it the issues that need solving that are galvanizing mass political activities? Is it the opportunity to clean up your name with more mess and corruption? Is it another opportunity to perpetrate families, associations and personal interest groups in power? Or is it that Nigeria needs saving?
So much positive has been said but too little of the same done. Political merchants are requesting souls to do business with yet those same souls are idly unperturbed trading blames on the vocal plane and allowing their lives to be stirred, directed and re-directed without their input.
How we will be perceived in the coming years is going to be decided in a couple of months and the very large majority of those that will be affected by these decisions are not making ANY input! Unbelievable! We would love to be respected all over the world; we would love to carry the green passport and not be given a 2nd look.
What the masses have cried for has been a good riddance to corruption, godfatherism, drug peddling, oil bunkery, institutionalized sabotage, constant power, revitalization of the institutions, job creation and so much necessity, that it is unbelievable we have something to call a nation at all. Yet, so many Nigerians have hardly thought about registering to vote more less voting at all. Can you believe that?
I dare say that at 50, we are at the verge of an epoch. Let nothing deceive us that the Nigerian electoral status quo would suffice in 2011, if our quest is for a prosperous, corruption-free, highly respected nation.
Change is a process, credible elections are worked at; they don’t just happen. We cannot be on a hurry to the Promised Land. It is instructive to note that we have become so used to wrong election operations that we cancelled the only free and fair elections we’ve had in our history.
As at 1st December 2010, we do not have
• A credible voters register 6months to the elections
• A credible national data base due to corruption-ridden census programs, so projections are not available
• an INEC that is able to convince the populace that they are independent of the president
• A citizenry that that is adequately sensitized as to how elections , proper elections are held
• We do not have a long-term program for training and re-training INEC officers on best practices
So are we really ready for the 2011 elections? Even if INEC is ready, are the masses not far from ready? No matter what happens, mass action will always trump selfish and personal interests.
So what is it going to be?
It is in the light of this realization that we need to honestly and responsibly take stock of where we have been and where we are right now and where we intend going as a nation; we need to ascertain what sort of perception we desire to exude beginning from our fifty first year of ‘naming’ then we can tell ourselves the truth about the kind of elections we want to hold in 2011.
It is said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, misuse or abuse is inevitable...if the leadership and the follower-ship do not have a clear picture about how they want to exist and be perceived, how can they both now plot a common destination? What is the purpose of the 2011 elections? Why are we agitatedly at this juncture once again? Is there a new ring to it? Is it that there is much more money to be made? Is it the issues that need solving that are galvanizing mass political activities? Is it the opportunity to clean up your name with more mess and corruption? Is it another opportunity to perpetrate families, associations and personal interest groups in power? Or is it that Nigeria needs saving?
So much positive has been said but too little of the same done. Political merchants are requesting souls to do business with yet those same souls are idly unperturbed trading blames on the vocal plane and allowing their lives to be stirred, directed and re-directed without their input.
How we will be perceived in the coming years is going to be decided in a couple of months and the very large majority of those that will be affected by these decisions are not making ANY input! Unbelievable! We would love to be respected all over the world; we would love to carry the green passport and not be given a 2nd look.
What the masses have cried for has been a good riddance to corruption, godfatherism, drug peddling, oil bunkery, institutionalized sabotage, constant power, revitalization of the institutions, job creation and so much necessity, that it is unbelievable we have something to call a nation at all. Yet, so many Nigerians have hardly thought about registering to vote more less voting at all. Can you believe that?
I dare say that at 50, we are at the verge of an epoch. Let nothing deceive us that the Nigerian electoral status quo would suffice in 2011, if our quest is for a prosperous, corruption-free, highly respected nation.
Change is a process, credible elections are worked at; they don’t just happen. We cannot be on a hurry to the Promised Land. It is instructive to note that we have become so used to wrong election operations that we cancelled the only free and fair elections we’ve had in our history.
As at 1st December 2010, we do not have
• A credible voters register 6months to the elections
• A credible national data base due to corruption-ridden census programs, so projections are not available
• an INEC that is able to convince the populace that they are independent of the president
• A citizenry that that is adequately sensitized as to how elections , proper elections are held
• We do not have a long-term program for training and re-training INEC officers on best practices
So are we really ready for the 2011 elections? Even if INEC is ready, are the masses not far from ready? No matter what happens, mass action will always trump selfish and personal interests.
So what is it going to be?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
MY LIFE
I want to go where fighting is just enough,
Mountain high, valley low life may be,
But preferably plain smooth.
Where rivers meet without causing a scene,
The coldest of hot situations,
Can life still retain its essence without the fight?
So much beauty, so much pain!
Drawn by its beautiful complexities
I find its idiosyncrasies a hard pill to swallow-
Contesting its ways seem logical but futile upon introspection
Navigating its manifold maze is the good fight of faith!
What do you believe?
What have you received?
Take me high, where eagles fly,
Where sons of God make hay and thrive
In that colony divine,
My feet on solid rock I stand
Don’t take off man, I’m not there yet
I will gaze at the stars not from these climes
But as one of them stuck in the sky
So when you want to school me,
Get drunk with the concept
For truly in all truth, truly…
What do you believe?
What have you received?
Make the move...www.holidaysandcash.com/yomzie
Mountain high, valley low life may be,
But preferably plain smooth.
Where rivers meet without causing a scene,
The coldest of hot situations,
Can life still retain its essence without the fight?
So much beauty, so much pain!
Drawn by its beautiful complexities
I find its idiosyncrasies a hard pill to swallow-
Contesting its ways seem logical but futile upon introspection
Navigating its manifold maze is the good fight of faith!
What do you believe?
What have you received?
Take me high, where eagles fly,
Where sons of God make hay and thrive
In that colony divine,
My feet on solid rock I stand
Don’t take off man, I’m not there yet
I will gaze at the stars not from these climes
But as one of them stuck in the sky
So when you want to school me,
Get drunk with the concept
For truly in all truth, truly…
What do you believe?
What have you received?
Make the move...www.holidaysandcash.com/yomzie
Monday, September 6, 2010
WORK_PLAY_EARN and LIVE!
We talk a lot and do so insignificantly little
We struggle to make ends meet and hope for a BIG throw down
We lack almost everything under the sun
And plaster a smile on our face
In a bid to make it look like we got faith
The truth is that true riches lie within
And everyone has a massive deposit of wealth
But we live lives of woe, pain, misery – suffering and smiling!
Our preoccupation with ‘believing’ for a bright day keeps us in the same circle of want
Though we are moving…anyway
Funny how poor people tell themselves lies
They envy the wealthy, yet thrash-talk them
Their security lies in community with fellow poor
Anything, to belong somewhere!
True riches are within us all…
I would think our preoccupation would be
Finding the mechanism for processing it – out!
God is no respecter of people – and so is money
Anyone can have God – same with money!
If you would tell yourself what I told myself a while back,
Your life would be filled with less bitterness, blame and shame!
You would find the right questions that will produce the answers of your life
Life is lived at the height of service, anything less is NO LIFE!
Until you become free from
* working to get money
* getting less and less time with the ones you love
* wanting so much and affording too little
* dreaming and flushing them after 30years of struggling
If you are tired of
* being sick and tired
* seeing your children live the exact same life you lived
* having your wife become the item of attraction among better placed men
* The HEIGHT OF LIFE IS –SERVICE
* The DEPTH OF LIFE IS-SELFISH
To live a life of service, money must be working for you…when you work for money all your life, you live a ‘selfish’ life by default!
Until you discover the processing mechanism for your goldmine, you can’t live to fulfill your life!
Start here...www.holidaysandcash.com/yomzie
We struggle to make ends meet and hope for a BIG throw down
We lack almost everything under the sun
And plaster a smile on our face
In a bid to make it look like we got faith
The truth is that true riches lie within
And everyone has a massive deposit of wealth
But we live lives of woe, pain, misery – suffering and smiling!
Our preoccupation with ‘believing’ for a bright day keeps us in the same circle of want
Though we are moving…anyway
Funny how poor people tell themselves lies
They envy the wealthy, yet thrash-talk them
Their security lies in community with fellow poor
Anything, to belong somewhere!
True riches are within us all…
I would think our preoccupation would be
Finding the mechanism for processing it – out!
God is no respecter of people – and so is money
Anyone can have God – same with money!
If you would tell yourself what I told myself a while back,
Your life would be filled with less bitterness, blame and shame!
You would find the right questions that will produce the answers of your life
Life is lived at the height of service, anything less is NO LIFE!
Until you become free from
* working to get money
* getting less and less time with the ones you love
* wanting so much and affording too little
* dreaming and flushing them after 30years of struggling
If you are tired of
* being sick and tired
* seeing your children live the exact same life you lived
* having your wife become the item of attraction among better placed men
* The HEIGHT OF LIFE IS –SERVICE
* The DEPTH OF LIFE IS-SELFISH
To live a life of service, money must be working for you…when you work for money all your life, you live a ‘selfish’ life by default!
Until you discover the processing mechanism for your goldmine, you can’t live to fulfill your life!
Start here...www.holidaysandcash.com/yomzie
Saturday, February 13, 2010
valentine?!?
She who has never loved has never lived.
John Gay
This man, she reasons, as she looks at her husband, is a poor fish. But he is the nearest I can get to the big one that got away.
Nigel Dennis
He that loves not his wife and children feeds a lioness at home and broods a nest of sorrows.
Jeremy Taylor
A woman must marry the man who loves her but never the one she loves; that is the secret of lasting happiness.
Mariama Bâ
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
Jane Austen
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
A woman dictates before marriage in order that she may have an appetite for submission afterwards.
George Eliot
Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
Ellen Key
And love's the noblest frailty of the mind.
John Dryden
Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge.
Bussy-Rabutin
John Gay
This man, she reasons, as she looks at her husband, is a poor fish. But he is the nearest I can get to the big one that got away.
Nigel Dennis
He that loves not his wife and children feeds a lioness at home and broods a nest of sorrows.
Jeremy Taylor
A woman must marry the man who loves her but never the one she loves; that is the secret of lasting happiness.
Mariama Bâ
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
Jane Austen
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
A woman dictates before marriage in order that she may have an appetite for submission afterwards.
George Eliot
Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
Ellen Key
And love's the noblest frailty of the mind.
John Dryden
Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge.
Bussy-Rabutin
The Art Of Kissing by David Leonhardt
Energizing. Practical. Inspiring. Discover the 9 habits that can change your life! Every now and then a quarrel breaks out
down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood
stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport on earth?
Some say "football". Some say "baseball". Canadians say "hockey". The rest of the world says "soccer". (Actually, they say
"football", too...but they mean "soccer".)
I say: "kissing". Yes, kissing is the greatest sport on earth. Allow me to explain just a few of the reasons.
ATTENTION: If bad breath (yours or your partner's) makes you uncomfortable kissing, you need The Bad Breath Report
Kissing is the most versatile sport around. There are so many types of kisses to choose from – at least one for just about
any occasion. There is the quick peck on the cheek kiss, the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew's cheek kiss
while grabbing the other cheek flab with your hand, the wildly passionate kiss, the elegant kiss on the hand, the dreaded
kiss of death, the "Hey you! Kiss this!", and even the Florida town of Kissimmee (founded, no doubt, by early Italian
pioneer kissers).
The Art of Kissing Is Easy
Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn't matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom,
in the space shuttle, even in Alaska from June through September.
Kissing requires so little equipment, which means you can do it even when not prepared for the occasion, and even
when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers and marsupial
groupies.
Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in an oh-so-booooring meeting that seems to last
oh-so-foreeeeever, why not just kiss somebody. Go ahead; try it. See how it livens things up?
Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most earth-bound countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing will even be
legalized soon on Mars, Jupiter and in Afghanistan.
Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help the environment.
Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.
Kissing is non toxic...unless you kiss somebody who has just swallowed a bottle of Drano. Even so, kissing is still safe,
as long as you do not use your mouth.
Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths
busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies until they a) need to diet or
b) induce diabetes. (Read the headline: "Kissing prevents diabetes")
Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious
ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.
Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure?
You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your wife, your veterinarian, the Prime Minister of the Duchy
of Grand Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don't try kissing them all at the same time, though...especially not your boyfriend
and your wife.
Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a
tremendous safety record, except for the occasional locked braces. But a quick call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem
(CAA in Canada, AA in the UK, the local plumber in France)
Extreme Kissing NOT Recommended
The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other
spectators who somehow get past security and storm onto the playing field like that well-dressed gentleman at the
Superbowl.
We do NOT recommend "extreme kissing". For instance, don't kiss an on-duty garbage truck; it is considered dangerous. Don't
kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don't kiss any
electrical outlets, or you'll look like this.
Are you paying attention? This one is important. Don't kiss the vacuum cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs.
It's OK to kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss a chainsaw; we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don't
kiss your office manager while on duty...unless you happen to be a work-from-home hermit like me.
But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey, football and soccer seem like bush league sports.
Next time you hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone a kiss.
I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.
down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood
stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport on earth?
Some say "football". Some say "baseball". Canadians say "hockey". The rest of the world says "soccer". (Actually, they say
"football", too...but they mean "soccer".)
I say: "kissing". Yes, kissing is the greatest sport on earth. Allow me to explain just a few of the reasons.
ATTENTION: If bad breath (yours or your partner's) makes you uncomfortable kissing, you need The Bad Breath Report
Kissing is the most versatile sport around. There are so many types of kisses to choose from – at least one for just about
any occasion. There is the quick peck on the cheek kiss, the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew's cheek kiss
while grabbing the other cheek flab with your hand, the wildly passionate kiss, the elegant kiss on the hand, the dreaded
kiss of death, the "Hey you! Kiss this!", and even the Florida town of Kissimmee (founded, no doubt, by early Italian
pioneer kissers).
The Art of Kissing Is Easy
Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn't matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom,
in the space shuttle, even in Alaska from June through September.
Kissing requires so little equipment, which means you can do it even when not prepared for the occasion, and even
when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers and marsupial
groupies.
Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in an oh-so-booooring meeting that seems to last
oh-so-foreeeeever, why not just kiss somebody. Go ahead; try it. See how it livens things up?
Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most earth-bound countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing will even be
legalized soon on Mars, Jupiter and in Afghanistan.
Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help the environment.
Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.
Kissing is non toxic...unless you kiss somebody who has just swallowed a bottle of Drano. Even so, kissing is still safe,
as long as you do not use your mouth.
Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths
busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies until they a) need to diet or
b) induce diabetes. (Read the headline: "Kissing prevents diabetes")
Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious
ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.
Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure?
You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your wife, your veterinarian, the Prime Minister of the Duchy
of Grand Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don't try kissing them all at the same time, though...especially not your boyfriend
and your wife.
Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a
tremendous safety record, except for the occasional locked braces. But a quick call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem
(CAA in Canada, AA in the UK, the local plumber in France)
Extreme Kissing NOT Recommended
The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other
spectators who somehow get past security and storm onto the playing field like that well-dressed gentleman at the
Superbowl.
We do NOT recommend "extreme kissing". For instance, don't kiss an on-duty garbage truck; it is considered dangerous. Don't
kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don't kiss any
electrical outlets, or you'll look like this.
Are you paying attention? This one is important. Don't kiss the vacuum cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs.
It's OK to kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss a chainsaw; we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don't
kiss your office manager while on duty...unless you happen to be a work-from-home hermit like me.
But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey, football and soccer seem like bush league sports.
Next time you hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone a kiss.
I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS SHEET
ELEMENT : Women
SYMBOL : Wo
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC MASS : Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES : Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
• Surface usually covered in painted film
• Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason
• Melts if given special treatment
• Bitter if incorrectly used
• Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
• Yields if pressure is applied in correct places
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
• Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
• Insoluble in liquids but actively greatly in saturation of alcohol
• Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
• Highly ornamental especially in sports car
• Can be a great aid to relaxation
COMMON USES
• Very effective cleaning agent
• Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
• Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS : highly dangerous except in experienced hands
(Culled from http://www.jesussite.com/jokes)
SYMBOL : Wo
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC MASS : Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES : Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
• Surface usually covered in painted film
• Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason
• Melts if given special treatment
• Bitter if incorrectly used
• Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
• Yields if pressure is applied in correct places
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
• Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
• Insoluble in liquids but actively greatly in saturation of alcohol
• Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
• Highly ornamental especially in sports car
• Can be a great aid to relaxation
COMMON USES
• Very effective cleaning agent
• Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
• Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS : highly dangerous except in experienced hands
(Culled from http://www.jesussite.com/jokes)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)